May 1st 2010 was an almost perfect spring day. One of those days in New England that we wait all winter for. One could almost feel the buds opening on the trees and the shoots pushing their way up through warming earth. A day to celebrate life! Seemed fitting as we, a group of four radical lesbian feminist friends (big sinners all!) made our way into Cambridge for the memorial re-membering of Mary Daly. I don’t remember exactly what we talked about on the 2-hour trip from Easthampton, but I know Mary held sway in our conversing, for we all had been deeply influenced by her.
When I heard she had passed away on January 3rd a deep sadness and shock went through me. I had known she was not well. I had seen her at the Feminist Hullaballoo in New Mexico in 2007. It was clear then that time was exerting itself on her mortal body. Still when she spoke, her words reverberated with a strength that comes through when a womon speaks her truth, what Mary herself embodied as the courage to Sin Big. Now on this bright spring day the reality was very much sinking in that Mary Daly was no longer on this earth in physical form…or was she? I would soon find out that although she had let go of her physical body, she was still very much present to all who were coming together to re-member, to honor, and to carry on her work.
So much to hold in our be-ings in the time shared at Episcopal Divinity School as so much was said and by so many great wimmin. It would be impossible to relate every detail, every word, every emotion, but in these recollections I hope to share with you some of the dedication that Mary helped fire in so many. As theologian Mary Hunt reminded us, “Mary Daly in her own words threw her life as far as it would go.” That is the true and awesome power of who she was and the work she not only accomplished but lived. Over and over again this phrase would be invoked and it is why I settled upon it for the title of this piece, for it is the impact on those of us left behind and how we carry on that is the true memorial.
We were welcomed by Emily Culpepper and met “Team Mary”, who included Culpepper, Nancy Kelly, Nancy O’Mealey, Mary Hunt, Linda Barufaldi, Jennifer Rycenga, and Roseanne Barr. They are the wondrous band of wimmin who put together the event. Linda Barufaldi read Emily Dickinson’s poem Long Years Apart. “Long Years apart — can make no Breach a second cannot fill —The absence of the Witch does not Invalidate the spell — The embers of a Thousand Years Uncovered by the Hand That fondled them when they were Fire Will stir and understand—” Fitting as we here noting the absence of one witch, but oh how the spell still endured and we were now the hands left that would stir.
The web of re-membering was woven this day with words and whose words better to be the threads of that tapestry than Mary’s herself? Eight wimmin read from each of Mary’s books. One of the funniest yet also poignant moments of this reading was when Jane Caputi read from her shared work Wickedary where she recounted and reminded us, “BORED, CHAIRMAN OF THE n: any bore-ocratically appointed bore who occupies a chair — a position which enables him to bore others all the more.” Mary’s sharp way of making her point that in our present society it is the task of word-weaving Websters to name things for what they are. More, Mary wanted us to know the most basic elemental workings of the cosmos; to know God (or Goddess) as verb, for we must not forget that Mary Daly was a theologian and a feminist philosopher. Carol Adams shared this with us from Mary’s book Amazon Grace: Recalling the Courage to Sin Big. “All wild creatures and other realities participate in Be-ing. By which I mean Ultimate Intimate Reality. The constantly unfolding verb of verbs that is intransitive, having no object that limits its dynamism.” As Mary further reminded us with her words, “…the shock of meeting Be-ing is simple and direct. It is absolutely surprising and Joyous. It is self-transformative and changes everything.”
Liz Anker sang one of Mary’s favorite songs, In the Witching Hour by Willie Tyson. Here is one of the times it seemed Mary herself made her influence felt. Not being a fan of technology, the amplifier and microphone malfunctioned and Liz played without their aid, with us a room full of witchy hags singing along and ending with a collective howl! I am sure this is just as Mary Daly wanted it. Roseanne Barr then read for us her short essay on the day she “knew” Mary had died. It was moving hearing her retelling of the vision she had of Mary’s spirit visiting her on the exact hour of her death. Tears punctuated Roseanne’s reading, her own and ours, as she told of how she championed her friend’s writing to appear in The New Yorker magazine. A great feat on Roseanne’s part as too often Mary Daly’s writing is little known to the greater masses outside feminist circles.
Linda Barufaldi shared with us a most heart-felt and wonderfully funny letter from one of Mary’s long time friends, yet equally her theoretical adversary, Robin Morgan. For a friend and adversary were not mutually exclusive. No, to Mary a good friend was one who could hold her own in a good and intelligent argument, even better if it involved a good strong drink, as we learned as Robin Morgan’s story unfolded. “Difficult twins” is the name Mary gave to her and Robin’s 40-year friendship. This is also where we first heard “Sisters, we meet on bloody Jesuit ground!” a war cry Robin, much to Mary’s delight, delivered strongly and loudly in a speech to rally support for Mary in her difficulties with Boston College. It was to be repeated later by one of Mary’s students in another recollection. We delighted in hearing that Mary and Robin spent a night polishing off a bottle of Irish Mist and arguing with fervor over Aquinas and Dante, Mary favoring Aquinas and Robin the latter. Mary asserted that Aquinas had already covered all the theology and philosophy of “the Divine Comidia” so Dante’s Poem, The Divine Comedy was little more than exalted plagiarism. We, along with Linda Barufaldi, laughed as she continued to expertly read Robin’s letter, “She (Mary) got that twinkle knowing this would drive me crazy.” Robin’s rebuttal knowing it would equally drive Mary crazy was, “…and art goes where theology can’t—and outlasts it!” On they went through the night, finally agreeing with much roll-on the-floor drunken laughter “There was a non-place for both Dante and Aquinas in the non-heaven, we non-believed in and which we would jointly assault if we didn’t.” Neither did it escape either of them of the absurdity and hilarity of “…two infamous man-haters quarreling over whose guy was best.” For all the laughter and merriment of Robin’s letter the ending of it was clear, Robin loved, respected, and honored her long time friend and would miss her deeply. She did remind us that Mary was a visionary and although “underestimated in her time” her ideas and words would endure and be there for us all.
One of the wimmin who has known Mary the longest, Dr. Elizabeth Farian, regaled us with stories of their early days of forging a friendship in the 1950’s as they studied theology at St. Mary’s College. On it continued as they both found their way to feminism and a shared love of animals. Here was one of the shortest, yet no less important sharing of the day. Dr. Farian wanted us to know that Mary loved animals, not just as pets, but also as sentient beings and companions. She urged us to consider carefully this kind of relating; to take on as our own work the struggle to name and stop any cruelty against these special, fully realized beings we have the privilege to share the planet with.
Emily Culpepper talked about existing “on the boundary.” Be-ing in that place where they, and now we, are inspired to push established patriarchal boundaries and have choices that are beyond the either/or paradigm set forth by the patriarchs. To do this Emily said we needed to continue to move beyond the patterns, language, rituals, and symbols that were held so loftily high within patriarchy. She told us it was out of the conversations she had with Mary Daly, first as her student and later colleague, which drove this home for her. Mary told her we had many weapons and tools at our disposal to undo those patterns. One of the tools Mary loved to use was the labrys. Emily quoted Mary, “We use the labrys of our minds to cut through the dualisms of patriarchy so that we are not compliant with all those dualistic traps.” I could almost feel the collective gesture of each womon as I looked around and noticed how many of us instinctively touched the labryses many of us were wearing as tangible talismans of these words we knew to be true. For me, I smile fondly remembering that Emily called Mary an “Irish Scold - in that tradition of a scalding witch that speaks truth to power for human justice.” Emily knew Mary as a womon who was not afraid to speak her mind and in that tradition she expected the same of others. She was also not adverse to other’s criticism of her work, but demanded that any such criticism be rooted in a foundation of thorough explanation of unwavering intellect. In this Emily Culpepper urged us, we could take on this tradition and like Mary become scolds against injustice and topple patriarchy.
The intensity of Emily’s sharing was contrasted by a video from Kate Clinton, whose comic brilliance carried us into a hilarious, but no less truthful re-membering of Mary. As many of us knew and were finding out through the sharing of others, Mary Daly had a sharp wit. She loved to play with words and humor was an important part of that. We were reminded that humor makes a difficult journey more bearable and we all know the journey ahead for us is still fraught with difficulty. Like Mary we need to need to laugh long, loud, and often.
Jane Caputi offered us this idea. Mary Daly wanted us to very much escape from the “foreground”, the mono-dimensional place where all of patriarchy operates and is defined for us as reality. Mary Daly strongly believed there was/is an alternative to the phallocentric, male dominated reality she termed the “Background, the realm of Wild Reality”: a place where ideas and form were interwoven and where wimmin had power to undo the fabrication, objectification and alienation of the doom laden foreground. As Caputi shared, one way for us to journey out of the foreground and into the Background was through “Gynocentric Memory, the memory of the world that existed before patriarchy and still exists.” Jane then shared a Grimm Fairy Tale, Frau Trude. The gist of which was a little girl goes to visit Frau Trude, a witch and sees her as a devil. Frau Trude then turns the little girl into a block of wood and throws her upon the fire, remarking at how brightly she burns. Caputi reminds us to not take this story in the literal sense, but to use the art of Reversals. Frau Trude is a Witch and her depiction as a devil is really her glorious fiery witch’s headdress, which can be both frightening and glorious all at once. The transformation of the child and her burning in the fire is also not as it seems, a certain death and obliteration, but instead a transformation/transmutation. She is changed forever, initiated into a different state of be-ing. Her burning is not the end, but a beginning, the fire of illumination and understanding. Jane Caputi then reminds us that we too can undergo this initiation and set alight our own transformation. For her and those who had met, studied, and worked with Mary Daly, this was done in the very real and tangible presence of the witch herself. For the rest of us who did not have that direct opportunity there still remains her words, each one a match to set our consciousness ablaze.
Xochitl Alvizo then took the podium. She is one of the Hedge Hags, a group of wimmin whom Mary Daly taught, played, laughed and transformed with in the last years of her life. Xochitl was for me one of the most powerful speakers of this event. Why? Because she is one of the next ones who will carry on Mary Daly’s vision. She is one of a few who were with Mary as she was letting go of her mortal body. Because of that I imagine Mary gave to the Hedge Hags the culmination of her life’s work up to those last moments. Xochitl again echoed, as many did this day, “…we encounter Mary Daly and everything changes.” Xochitl spoke about the power of Mary’s words and the power they have to transform. “Each of us is affected differently by our engagement with her work and our friendship with her. And each of us is committed to be-ing in the world in a new biophillic way because of it. Mary Daly’s vision and work is so big and expansive and it is big enough to spark all our different ways of be-ing. Because Mary lived out of a vision of abundant light; a biophillic light, never out of scarcity; yes desperate, but it was a good desperate, because the world has to change, it has to! So there is room enough for all of our vision, for all of our ways of be-ing, and waking up.” We then heard how each of the Hedge Hags is taking on the vision of Mary’s work and hopes in their personal lives. Her words infused me with my own hope and en-couraged me to think about how I can also carry the visions of Mary Daly out into the world and see the world change. “Mary knew that when wimmin come together we spark and weave a new reality and we live into a new world and we do it together as friends. She always said, we have to have courage, that’s what life is about, especially now, we have to have courage. And courage is something we learn through courageous acts. We learn courage by couraging.” Xochtil then closed with these words “… so let us go and Sin big and throw our lives as far as it will go!”
BK Hiipsher and Marla Marcum shared with us the last interview Mary gave in 2008. Most remarkable was not the video montage or even the audio (although they were remarkable in their own right) but the personal story BK shared about her first meeting of Mary and the transformative change that occurred because of it. She sat in front of Mary, who fixed her gaze upon her and asked quite matter-of-factly, “What’s so great about you?” And she waited for an answer. As BK related she at the time had no idea, but Mary demanded an answer, as it seemed she did from everyone. It was one of the most important questions BK had ever been asked and as she learned the answer through Mary’s teaching, so too did she learn what was so great about all womyn.
Mary Daly had a great appreciation for words, but not just those written, but for those spoken as well. She believed in the power we have of passing on what we know through oral tradition and the deep listening that is required for that to occur. In that tradition Emily Culpepper had us turn to our neighbors and tell each other our stories of Mary Daly, to speak our truths and listen deeply of the ways Mary had influenced and changed our lives.
Next, we heard from Ger Moane who came all the way from Ireland to speak about Mary’s affinity and influence with Irish feminists. Know this, Mary Daly loved, and was dearly loved by the Irish feminist community. She made many trips to the land of her own cultural heritage and it is where she frolicked with cows and learned about the hedge schools, coming home to carry on the tradition, something I believe she would want us to continue.
Here we met the Hedge Hags, Xochitl Alvizo, Tiffany Steinwert, Kathryn House, and Marla Marcum. Four wimmin, who gathered at Mary’s house to learn from her directly outside of the confines of academentia and now each in her own way was poised to carry on Mary’s work. From them we were granted a glimpse into Mary’s last few years of life. Funny and personal, each Hedge Hag’s sharing spoke to the devotion and commitment they held for Mary, each other, and the larger vision of a reality beyond the patriarchal foreground. Tiffany shared with us that Mary kept every card and letter sent to her by womyn. Marla echoed the cry “Sisters, here we stand on bloody Jesuit ground!” which she shouted every day upon setting foot on the Boston College campus at the end of her morning commute. Kathryn shared that she and her college roommate, so enamored with Mary Daly began to speak Wickedese (with proper emphasis and punctuation in their speech and body language!) She told us that Mary taught her “…how to wield the labrys with compassion and tender friendship, teaching me wisely to never turn its sharp blade on myself or any other womon.” She reminded us, ignited us that we were like them, all the students of Mary Daly, but now it was time for us to become the teachers. One of the ways the Hedge Hags were continuing Mary’s legacy was to name a room after her at the Matilda Jocelyn Gage Museum, in hopes that future generations of womyn would investigate and learn and thus, be forever changed by encountering Mary Daly.
We then witnessed the passing of the labrys amongst Team Mary and the Hedge Hags. It had been one of Mary’s used as a tangible physical symbol for cutting away the falsehoods of patriarchy. For this moment Emily Culpepper offered us this, “It represents the power of passing on through the generations from the archaic past to the archaic future.” I think Mary would have liked the symbolism of this gesture, knowing we each carried within us the labrys of our own be-ings with the ability to use it as she had so often encouraged womyn to do. We then sang Cris Williamson’s Song of the Soul to formally conclude the memorial. However, as you can guess, it was not really an ending, but the next step into a beginning.
Mary Daly left behind more than just an impressive and monumental amount of writing. She left for us a path to follow, a way to undo the insidious influences of patriarchy by re-weaving the language and thus re-learning and re-membering our own birthright as womyn. Her daring to challenge the patriarchs, to name their necrophillic madness as they carry our world on a careening ride towards destruction is no small feat. She held at her center the task that it was up to us individually and collectively to become pirates. As she put it in her 1996 article in The New Yorker “Women who are Pirates in a phallocentric society are involved in a complex operation. First, it is necessary to Plunder -- that is, righteously rip off -- gems of knowledge that the patriarchs have stolen from us. Second, we must Smuggle back to other women our Plundered treasures. In order to invert strategies that will be big and bold enough for the next millennium, it is crucial that women share our experiences: the chances we have taken and the choices that have kept us alive. They are my Pirate's battle cry and wake-up call for women who I want to hear.” This memorial was more than just for Mary Daly, it was for all of us, a band of Radical Feminist Pirates committed to sinning big. It was certainly far more than just a time to come together to honor one of our own; it was a call to continue the work and vision that Mary Daly had begun and was now ours to carry on. We have the means and the tools. Let us courageously take up the labryses of our minds and throw ourselves into our lives as far as we can go!
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